


Shadows of the Past

by ArlenianChronicles



Series: Of Maedhros and the Twin Princes of Doriath [3]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe, And I mean everything, Brothers, But they can also be understanding, Children are curious, Family, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gen, I guess I'll just say, Slight Canon Divergence, That everything in this AU is platonic, Twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-08 09:15:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20833019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArlenianChronicles/pseuds/ArlenianChronicles
Summary: In the darkness of winter, the twins catch a glimpse of Maedhros' past.Set within my AU where Maedhros saves Eluréd and Elurín. This story takes place between the chapters Barradhed and Uiveleth of In Elin Gelebrin, three years after the twins' rescue.





	1. A Whisper in the Night

**Author's Note:**

> Once again my beta is busy during this time, so this is the unedited version of the fic. Once it's time, I'll update this with the edited version :)  
Quenya phrase translations will be at the bottom!

A snowstorm lay siege to the stone fortress of Amon Ereb. Snowflakes blew against the walls and towers as winds howled in the night, rattling the shuttered windows.

Behind one of those windows was a bedchamber. The fire had long since died. Upon the bed were two little bundles, both of which were shivering under the heavy wool blankets.

One of them peeked out from underneath the blanket, casting a despairing look around the room, and then retreated back into the covers.

“How come there is no fire in the hearth?” Elurín said incredulously.

“There was, but it died.” Eluréd attempted to warm his hands by keeping them under the pillow. “We should bring it back.”

“_I_cannot,” Elurín huffed. “I’ll freeze if I leave the blankets.”

“Well _ I _ am already frozen!”

Elurín thought for a moment. He could tell that Eluréd was doing the same. It was better to have two cold-numbed minds working together than just one.

After a moment, Eluréd made the exclamation of one who has come up with a marvelous idea. “Do you think Adar will let us sleep in his bed?”

Elurín rubbed his chin. It was a very appealing idea. “Hmm … maybe. Is it already past midnight?”

“I do not think so,” Eluréd replied, albeit a little uncertainly. “He may still be in bed.”

“But what if he is also frozen? Ice cannot warm up ice.” Elurín touched his bare feet against Eluréd’s leg, and his twin yelped.

“It is better than freezing alone,” Eluréd said as he tried to rub some warmth back into his limbs. “At least there will be three of us instead of just one, or two.”

Elurín was hardly up to thinking any further on it. He imagined sleeping next to Russandol in a nice, warm bed, with extra woolly blankets and sheets. “Alright! Let us go.”

They managed to get out of bed with rigid movements, and immediately regretted it. Elurín’s feet and legs turned to ice as he stood on the stone floor. Eluréd scurried over and took his hand, and they both hurried as fast as they could out into the corridor.

Russandol’s bedchamber was only a few doors down. Eluréd opened the door as quietly as he could with a shivering hand; the chamber was larger than theirs, but was no less cold or dark. A few glowing embers remained in the hearth.

“Adar?” Eluréd whispered. “Are you awake?”

Elurín spotted Russandol in bed, seemingly asleep. The ellon shifted a little yet did not respond. After exchanging a glance with his brother, Elurín creeped closer and saw that Russandol’s eyes were open, but glazed over.

“He is asleep,” he breathed.

“Well, hurry inside, then!” Eluréd whispered, already pulling back the covers. “My feet are getting numb.”

Elurín went over to the other side and climbed onto the bed. He could feel the warmth spread across his skin even as he slipped under the covers. And Russandol himself was giving off a warmth that made it very difficult to _ not _ snuggle against his side.

Elurín caught Eluréd’s eye, and all of a sudden they were fighting to stifle their giggles. The woolly blankets were pulled farther up, nearly touching Russandol’s chin. Satisfied, they laid their heads on his shoulders. Elurín’s eyes were already beginning to close as their shared warmth enveloped him.

His last thought was that Russandol must have been sleeping very heavily to not notice them …

A shifting of movement startled Elurín awake. What were those odd sounds? What was –

Something jerked against him, and he realized that it was Russandol’s shoulder. He blinked and looked up to see Eluréd, who was also awake. 

Their eyes locked. Then, at the same time, they turned and looked at Russandol.

His eyes were still glazed over, yet Elurín could see an odd glimmer in them ... one that he thought he recognized. Muscles twitched in Russandol’s jaw and neck. A thin film of sweat covered his skin, and his chest rose and fell heavily.

Even as Elurín tried to figure out what was happening, Russandol murmured something.

“_Mecin … Á pusta …_”

A shiver went down Elurín’s spine.

“Adar?” Eluréd whispered, patting Russandol’s shoulder. “Are you alright?”

The sound that escaped Russandol’s throat made Elurín freeze in place despite the warmth of the bed. A whimper, soft and fearful. He had thought the ellon incapable of it … 

Elurín’s eyes locked with Eluréd’s. Even as realization clicked in Elurín’s mind, he knew the same had happened in his brother’s.

“Adar, wake up!” Elurín said, giving Russandol’s shoulder a little shake. “It is only a bad dream.”

“_Lá, lá … Á nace ni … Mecin …_”

Elurín and Eluréd shifted closer and wrapped their arms around Russandol’s shoulders, holding him on either side. Elurín tightened his grip as he felt the ellon tremble harder.

“Adar, it will be alright,” he whispered. Then he looked up at Eluréd worriedly. “Should we sing him a song?”

“Which song?”

Elurín bit his lip. Maglor had taught them quite a number of songs, but none of them seemed appropriate for this ... 

He cast his thoughts farther back, all the way to Doriath. A tune surfaced in his mind, admittedly with some notes missing in his memory, but there was still enough for a melody.

“This one?” Elurín hummed the tune.

Eluréd nodded promptly. Alarm shone in his grey eyes as Russandol’s head began to shift side to side, as though he were trying to escape an invisible force.

The lullaby started out very shaky. Elurín tried to harmonize as best he could (trying to keep track of his adar was certainly taking up much of his mind). Eventually they got hold of the tune, and sang it three times without a pause.

Russandol gradually quietened, though he still shivered a little. The song came to an end after a moment of inspection. Elurín was not sure, after all. What if Russandol started muttering again?

Eluréd stifled a yawn and settled next to Russandol. After a moment of hesitation, Elurín did the same, holding Russandol tight. The ellon’s words rang in his mind. What did it all mean?

He eventually fell asleep despite the whirl of thoughts.

Outside, the wind and snow continued its relentless assault upon the fortress.

***

Maedhros awoke to the sight of silver strands crossing over his vision. They gleamed in the light of the dawn.

It took him a brief moment to remember where he was. Warmth covered him from head to toe, and he was comfortably cushioned all over. Was he still dreaming? That could not be possible – his dreams always took him far from the light …

He pushed that thought away, not wanting to dwell on last night's nightmare. The cushions shifted, and he frowned. Reaching up, he gently brushed the strands of silver from his face, and turned to look at what was moving against him.

Eluréd lay upon his left, and Elurín on his right. Both were asleep.

Realization settled in his mind, and he stared at them in surprise. When had they gotten here? _ Why _ were they here? He had made sure that the hearth was stocked, but if they were in his bed, then perhaps it had not worked … 

His heart thumped in his chest. Had they seen him in the midst of his nightmares? Hopefully not … Perhaps they had not noticed, or arrived after the worst had taken place … 

“Elin Gelebrin?” he murmured. 

The twins merely shuffled closer, tucking their heads against the scarred sides of his neck. It was still hard to believe that they were there, yet he was determined to hold onto the moment. He adjusted the position of his arms so that he could hold them loosely. Then he turned his gaze up to the ceiling with a contented sigh.

His eyes soon glazed over, and he fell back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sindarin Words
> 
> Elin Gelebrin -- Silver Stars (Maedhros' endearment for the twins)  
Adar -- Father  
ellon -- Elf-man
> 
> Quenya Phrases
> 
> Mecin ... Á pusta ... -- Please ... Stop ...  
Lá, lá ... Á nace ni ... Mecin ... -- No, no ... Kill me ... Please ...
> 
> That feeling when you wake up to find yourself nice and comfortably toasty in bed, surrounded by pillows and blankets :D  
Also, I was listening to AURORA's Infections of a Different Kind and Soulless Creatures while writing this. I imagine the twins to sound like her when they sing XD


	2. Persistence of Little Ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins search for answers, but it is hard to get them.

The twins slept in Russandol’s bed for the next few nights. Each time he began to move restlessly, trapped in a nightmare, they sang the lullaby for him. It frightened Elurín to see him in such a way. It did not help when they saw Russandol during the day, looking as though nothing was amiss.

One particular night left them all shaken. Elurín understood not even half of what Russandol babbled, but sometimes the tone was enough. 

Part of Elurín knew that he would not feel better until the topic was brought up. He had learned long ago that it was never a good idea to keep everything bottled up, at least not for himself. And his brother was not one to stay silent, either.

It was during music lessons on a sunny, yet cold, day. The twins wore multiple layers of clothing and slippers lined with fur, repurposed from a recycled winter coat. Maglor was particular on making sure they wore enough clothing, even when they were inside a fire-warmed chamber. A chilled voice was not a strong voice, he would say.

As Maglor made a note on a leaf of parchment for their next lesson, Elurín gathered his courage and said, “Maglor?”

The ellon did not look up. “Yes?”

Elurín exchanged a glance with his twin. “Adar has bad dreams.”

The scratching sound of Maglor’s quill came to a pause. He raised his head to look at them, and amidst the surprise in his face was a haunted look. “Yes,” he said after a moment.

“Why?” Elurín asked.

“We all have them,” Maglor murmured.

“But these feel different –” Elurín stopped himself, but it was too late.

“Oh?” Maglor frowned. “What do you mean ‘feel’?”

Elurín shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He felt Eluréd’s hand cover his own, and was grateful.

“We heard him, one night,” Eluréd said.

“Hmm. I see.” Maglor rubbed his chin, no doubt thinking about saying something to Russandol. For a moment, Elurín feared that they might plan to move their chamber away from their adar’s. 

“Do you know what they are about?” Eluréd asked timidly.

Maglor sighed and looked at them. His voice was soft and weary. “It is not for me to speak of, dear children. It is his business.”

Disappointment crossed Eluréd’s face, even as it flickered within Elurín’s heart. “Alright.”

There was still Amras to go to. They approached him during the resting period of their hunting session, and Elurín could not help the squirming of his gut when Amras turned them down, just as Maglor had. 

“In any case, you are still too young to know,” he said quietly.

Elurín looked up at the ellon’s pale face, partly shadowed by a bough hanging over head. “Is it really that bad?” he asked in a small voice.

Amras’ gaze was heavy. “It is.”

***

Moonlight shone through the cracks in the window’s shutters. They fell upon the bed, illuminating part of Russandol’s face and torso. He was wearing a tunic, but Elurín could still see the pale scars on his collarbone, trailing down until it was hidden by the fabric. He and Eluréd had only seen a glimpse Russandol naked once before: he had been getting ready to wash in the baths after a rigorous dueling session with his brothers. Elurín had seen the marks upon Russandol’s arms before. That could not be helped all the time, at least, and the scars on his face even less so. But to see his entire body riddled with such marks … 

At the time, Elurín had felt a mix of fascination and horror at seeing it. Some scars were as straight as a quill mark on parchment, others were blotchy like burns, and yet others had the look of dog bites. He had never before known the extent of Russandol’s hurts until that day.

Eluréd lay with his head upon Russandol’s shoulder, tracing the scars with his gaze. Elurín did the same for a brief moment before looking away. It was getting harder to look at his adar with each passing day.

Russandol’s breathing soon turned ragged, followed by a soft mutter. The twins immediately launched into the lullaby. To their surprise, Russandol gave a slight jerk, and his eyes abruptly cleared. They stared as he lay there, breathing heavily. His body was incredibly tense against Elurín’s.

Then Russandol glanced down at them. Surprise flickered across his face.

“Are you alright, Adar?” Eluréd asked hesitantly.

“You …” Russandol’s voice was oddly hoarse. He quickly cleared his throat. “Why have you come here?”

“Er, it is cold.”

Russandol arched an eyebrow. "The season is passing. It is not so cold now. And yet you have been coming for many nights now."

Elurín exchanged a sheepish look with Eluréd. Neither of them said anything – Elurín was not sure what ought to be said – and Russandol sighed.

Elurín looked up at him worriedly. “Is it alright if we stay here?”

“I …” Russandol fell silent.

Eluréd shifted closer to their adar. “If you let us stay, we can wake you up from the bad dreams,” he offered.

Russandol’s voice was startlingly hard, so much that the twins went still. “You should not have to see me like this. You ought to return to your chamber.”

“But,” Eluréd persisted, "it is cold out there, Adar. It is more comfy here.”

“There are Maglor and Amras.”

Eluréd bit his lip and looked away. “That is true.”

Elurín took a deep breath and looked up. It was difficult to see Russandol’s face in full from this angle. It was odd, Elurín thought. Russandol had told them to leave, and yet he had not made any move to push them away, or at least sit up.

“Do you want us to go, Adar?” he said softly. “We will leave if you say so.”

Russandol was silent for a long moment, long enough for Elurín to start thinking that they had gone too far.

Then Russandol sighed. “You can stay,” he said quietly, “if you are willing.”

Elurín offered a small smile even though Russandol could not see it. Yet it did not ease the tight feeling in his chest. Why were things easier to confront while lying in bed in the dark? Why could it not be the same when they were standing during the day?

Perhaps the answer would come to him in the night. With a yawn, Elurín snuggled closer to Russandol’s side, with his head resting on the ellon’s broad shoulder, and fell asleep to the sound of a strong heartbeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sindarin Words
> 
> Elin Gelebrin -- Silver Stars  
Adar -- Father  
ellon -- Elf-man


	3. And So He Spoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins finally get an answer to their questions.

Maedhros jerked awake, breathing heavily as the tendrils of his nightmare receded to the back of his mind. Irritation flickered within him. He had been hoping to stay awake in order to avoid dreaming …

It was still dark outside, yet with the air of approaching dawn. He blinked. Something was pressing down on his torso. It was not uncomfortable, but noticeable enough that he glanced down.

The twins were holding tight to him, Elurín on his right and Eluréd on his left. He could only see their silver heads from this angle, tucked against his chest as they were. Love for them burned his heart, and yet … There was no way they would _ not _ have noticed this time. Their breathing was light and soft, confirming his suspicions, and he sighed heavily.

"Did I wake you?" he murmured.

"No." Elurín’s reply shook a little.

"Boys …"

Eluréd sighed.

"You were talking in your sleep,” he admitted quietly.

Maedhros swallowed, glad that they were not looking at him. "What did I say?"

"Erm …” The child hesitated. “Something about your hand, I think …"

Maedhros squeezed his eyes shut for a brief moment. "I am sorry, boys. I think you should return to your chambers after today. I do not want you losing sleep over me." It hurt him to say it, but it was for the best. He would make sure that the twins’ hearth was suitably stocked, perhaps check on it before taking his usual midnight stroll … 

"Do you dream about losing your hand?" Eluréd asked in the quiet of the dark chamber.

Maedhros went still.

"Amras said it was very bad,” Elurín said in a small voice.

A tight feeling appeared in his chest. "You asked him?"

"He did not tell us anything. Neither did Maglor."

"Good."

A beat of uncomfortable silence fell over them.

"Sorry, Adar,” Elurín eventually said. “We did not mean to pry."

Maedhros sighed. "It is not your fault,” he murmured. “You are curious. It is natural."

The twins seemed to share a moment of silent communication. Then Eluréd looked up at him.

"Did you lose your hand in a battle?"

Maedhros did not answer immediately. Memories flashed through his mind’s eye, and he quickly pushed them to the back of his mind. "No,” he said. 

"An accident?" Eluréd suggested.

"No. It was to –” The words twisted in his throat. “To save me."

"Were you going to hurt someone?" Elurín asked in a small voice.

"I could not do anything, not then,” Maedhros said, staring up at the ceiling. “It was to … to free me from a shackle."

Elurín looked up at him then. The child’s brow was furrowed in confusion. "What is a shackle?"

"It is a band of metal to hold you in place."

"And you had one around your hand?"

"My wrist, yes. It could not be removed."

"Who put the shackle on you?” Eluréd breathed. “Was it the Orcs?"

"No,” Maedhros said, quieter than a breath. “It was Morgoth."

Both twins gasped. Their grey eyes stared at him in horror. He immediately regretted telling them, but it was too late to take it back.

"You saw the Dark Lord?" Eluréd whispered. "Is that what causes the bad dreams?"

Maedhros said nothing. He was not about to tell them the details.

Elurín fidgeted with the hem of the wool blanket. "Was it … very, very bad?"

"I do not want to upset you any more than I already have, Êl Gelebren,” Maedhros said.

Elurín snuggled closer to him. Maedhros held him firmly in the crook of his handless arm, as though to shield the child from the darkness beyond the fortress. The child’s palm rested on Maedhros’ chest where the collar of his tunic was open.

"You have a lot of scars on your body,” he commented solemnly.

Maedhros swallowed. "Yes."

Eluréd began to cry. Maedhros cursed himself as he brought the child closer. This was no tale for children; he should have waited until they were older!

He could feel Eluréd's tears as they fell onto his scarred collarbone, staining the hem of his tunic. His left hand rubbed Eluréd's shoulder reassuringly.

The child's breathing eventually calmed. "Who saved you from the shackle, Adar?" he asked, somewhat hoarsely.

"My cousin, Fingon." Warmth seeped into Maedhros' voice at the name. "The great Thorondor bore him up to where I was, and Fingon cut me free."

"Thorondor?" Elurín said in surprise. "The Eagle Lord?"

"Yes."

"You were very high up, then? On a tower?"

"A cliff?" Eluréd put in.

Maedhros was startled into silence. This was going too far.

"How long were you up there, Adar?" Eluréd asked quietly.

Whatever he had been meaning to say died in his throat.

Elurín burst into tears, grasping a fistful of Maedhros’ tunic.

"It was many years ago, my Elin Gelebrin,” Maedhros said quickly, pressing a kiss to the crown of their heads. “It is over. I was brought back to Mithrim and healed in time."

Even as they looked up at him with glistening eyes, he knew that it was not enough. They had always thought of him as strong, had they not? And now that vision had been shattered.

Was there anything he could do to make it right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sindarin Words
> 
> Elin Gelebrin -- Silver Stars  
Adar -- Father


	4. At Your Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment of quiet in the aftermath of the revelation.

There was a tree outside the fortress of Amon Ereb, planted long ago. It was strong and sturdy with long branches, stretching upwards to the sky. The twins sat on one such branch, surrounded by cold, leafless boughs. The snow upon the tree had already started to melt in the pale light of the winter sun.

Elurín sighed in the quiet. His breath misted in the cold air. He and his twin always came here whenever they needed to talk. It had started after learning that Russandol was a Kinslayer, and since then they had had quite a few conversations with their adar.

Sometimes Eluréd was left too angry to talk, and they would not sit in the tree. Other times Elurín would be too grieved. And there were times when they would be afraid and hide away in the tree as far up as possible.

Elurín remembered one time when Russandol had come out looking for them. He knew that the ellon would give them their space. But he was still their adar, and would not leave them alone for too long.

The tree was their personal safe haven when they wanted to go away. Russandol could not climb up to them, after all.

They had been sitting in the tree all morning. None of them had said anything yet. Elurín did not know what to say. He had been horrified to hear of Russandol’s torture, but there had also been something else … 

His first memory of Russandol was of the latter saving them from the snow. Since then he had always taken care of their fears and held them close. Elurín had gathered a sure sense of Russandol’s power from those embraces. Nothing could drag the ellon down. Surely his scars were evidence of that … 

But were they? Elurín had thought them to be the marks of many battles and glorious feats. If the Dark Lord could get to Russandol … 

Elurín took a deep breath, unable to repress a shiver. He could not even begin to imagine what Russandol had gone through. The horror seemed to go beyond the ellon’s scars. Yet he had a feeling that Russandol would tell them nothing of that. Pity welled in his heart, mingling with the horror and discomfort.

He glanced down from his perch in the tree. Below lay the snow-covered grounds of the fortress. Looking up, Elurín could just make out the mountain tops over Amon Ereb’s stone wall. Everything was so quiet and calm, as though nothing was amiss in the world.

Hesitating, Elurín looked to his brother, and their eyes met. Amidst his turmoil of thoughts bloomed something warm and gentle. Elurín held out his arms at the same time as Eluréd did, and they held each other for a long moment.

Things were never quite the same each time they learned something new. The Kinslaying, the Oath, and now Russandol’s past … None of it could be ignored, and Elurín knew better than to attempt to ignore it. But they could work through it, and Elurín was certain they would. Russandol was still their adar.

Elurín held this knowledge in mind for the next few days. He and Eluréd hardly separated during that time; spending the days with his twin was relieving on the mind, and Elurín had a feeling that Russandol was also grateful for the space to think.

***

It was evening a few days later when they came to Russandol’s bedchamber. Elurín could not see his face clearly in the dark, yet he felt Russandol shift as he tucked himself against his adar’s side.

“Elin Gelebrin?” Russandol murmured. “Are you certain of this?”

“Yes, Adar,” Eluréd said.

“Yes, Adar,” Elurín echoed. Russandol’s arm wrapped around him, and Elurín felt the undercurrent of strength in the ellon’s body.

“Are you not frightened?” Russandol asked quietly.

There was a pause. “Just a little,” Eluréd eventually said.

“But you need not worry about us, Adar,” Elurín said gently, resting his head on Russandol’s broad shoulder.

“I worry what will happen to you if I am trapped in my own mind,” Russandol said. His voice was low and a little hoarse. “It is not as simple as you may think.”

No it was not. Elurín was gradually learning that nothing was ever so simple. “When we are older, I think we will understand it better,” Elurín said. “But for now, can we stay?”

Russandol was silent for a moment, but eventually nodded. Satisfied, the twins closed their eyes, and their breathing gradually grew shallow.

Unbeknownst to them, Maedhros remained awake for a while longer. After all he had done to their home, their family … they still came to his side. He marveled at the love they held, matched only by his love for them. His weary heart pulsed with gratitude as he lay wrapped in the twins’ embrace. 

His eyes eventually glazed over, and he too fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sindarin Words
> 
> Elin Gelebrin -- Silver Stars  
Adar -- Father  
ellon -- Elf-man
> 
> Here's the last chapter! I hope you all enjoyed this little story :) Your kudos and comments mean a lot to me, so thank you for sharing them! I hope to be back soon with more of these three and their feels XDD


End file.
